Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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