You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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