All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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