Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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