my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize