I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
