you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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