im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
