If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
