His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize