im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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