Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
