I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
