Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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