i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
