If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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