mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
