Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
