I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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