Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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