and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
