Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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