they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I touched a dick in church today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
