I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
