wakey wakey hands off snakey
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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