Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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