hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
