Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
