so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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