Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
