he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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