I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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