yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
