I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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