I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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