I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
