careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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