let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
