a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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