STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
