I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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