Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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