Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
