I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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