Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
