It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
