the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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