I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i've created a new STD.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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