Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
