tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
