When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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