There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
