How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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