found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
