I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
