dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we should paint friendship bongs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
