brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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