My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
