Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
