Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
