We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize