the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
