just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
