i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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