Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
