my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
