don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
