and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
