I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
