That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
