I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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