You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
