I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
