New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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