SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
