I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
