if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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