my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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