Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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