Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
