I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
