Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
